This week's TV Movies

BROTHERS: Gisborne and Robin (Richard Armitage, left, Jonas Armstrong, right) work together to save their half-brother (Clive Standen, center) on a new episode of 'Robin Hood' at 6 and 9 p.m. on BBC A

SERIES

Celebrity Ghost Stories: Jay Thomas mistakenly used a tombstone in a home renovation (7 p.m. Biography).

America's Most Wanted: America Fights Back: John Walsh travels to Eastern Europe to hunt down a drug lord who has led authorities on an international cat-and-mouse game, then partners with some of the best crime busters in the United Kingdom to track down some criminals there. He also examines new CSI technology developed in England that gives detectives a powerful tool to help identify suspects (9 p.m. Fox).

Austin City Limits: Alternative rockers Pearl Jam perform (11 p.m. KLCS).

Saturday Night Live: Joseph Gordon-Levitt ("G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"); the Dave Matthews Band performs (11:29 p.m. NBC).

Sit Down, Shut Up: Given an ultimatum to turn around the drama department, Andrew writes a musical starring the teachers in the season finale (midnight Fox).

SPECIALS

When Crocs Ate Dinosaurs: This new special looks at evidence that ancient crocodilian behemoths lived with and preyed on dinosaurs (6 and 9 p.m. National Geographic).

Pauly Shore and Friends: Comics performing with Shore include Iliza Shlesinger, Steve Rannazzisi, Carl LaBove and Sammy Shore (9 p.m. Showtime).

MOVIES

Tom Jones: In this 1963 adaptation of Henry Fielding's novel, the title character's (Albert Finney) enjoyment of the earthly delights of 18th-century England almost get him hanged. Susannah York also stars (5 p.m. TCM).

Personal Effects: While working for a wedding planner, a young man (Ashton Kutcher) struggles to overcome the loss of his sister, who died shortly before her wedding in the 2009 drama (9 p.m. Lifetime). Michelle Pfeiffer also stars.

Notorious: Angela Bassett and Derek Luke star in this 2009 biography of Christopher Wallace, who rose from the streets of Brooklyn as rap artist Notorious B.I.G., and was shot to death in 1997 (10 p.m. Cinemax).

SPORTS

College football: Ohio State at Michigan; (9 a.m. ABC); UT-Chattanooga at Alabama (9 a.m. KDOC); Minnesota at Iowa (9 a.m. ESPN); Harvard at Yale (9 a.m. VS); Oklahoma at Texas Tech (9:30 a.m. FSN); Connecticut at Notre Dame (11:30 a.m. NBC); LSU at Mississippi (12:30 p.m. CBS); Penn State at Michigan State (12:30 p.m. ABC); Penn State at Michigan State or Virginia at Clemson (12:30 p.m. ESPN); Arizona State at UCLA (1 p.m. FS Prime); San Diego State at Utah (1 p.m. VS); California at Stanford (4:30 p.m. VS); Kentucky at Georgia (4:45 p.m. ESPN2); Oregon at Arizona (5 p.m. ABC).

Hockey: The Calgary Flames visit the Kings (1 p.m. FSN).

NASCAR racing: Nationwide Series: Ford 300 (1:30 p.m. ESPN2).

UFC 106: preliminaries: From Las Vegas (6 p.m. Spike).

NHL hockey: The San Jose Sharks visit the Ducks (7 p.m. FS Prime).

Girls high school volleyball: CIF-SS Division I Championship: (7:30 p.m. FSN).

Photo: Tiger Aspect / BBC

This week's TV Movies

TODAY

Good Morning America (N) 7 a.m. KABC

The Situation Room With Wolf Blitzer Fort Hood shooting: Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-Mich.). Cancer; mammogram debate: Breast cancer survivor Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.). Afghanistan; Pakistan: Seymour Hersh. Iran: Con Coughlin, the Telegraph. Swine flu: Father David O'Connell, Catholic University of America. Hunger in America: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack. 3 p.m. CNN

McLaughlin Group 6:30 p.m. KCET

SUNDAY

Today Unable to get home for the holidays. (N) 6 a.m. KNBC

Good Morning America (N) 6 a.m. KABC

State of the Union With John King Healthcare debate; Afghanistan; New York terrorism trials: Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio). Healthcare debate: Afghanistan; New York terrorism trials: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.). (N) 6 a.m. CNN

CBS News Sunday Morning Evolution of macaroni and cheese; cooking for one; Bobby Flay. (N) 7 a.m. KCBS

Reliable Sources Matt Continetti, the Weekly Standard; Joan Walsh, Salon; Julie Mason, the Washington Examiner; Karen Tumulty, Time magazine. (N) 7 a.m. CNN

The Chris Matthews Show The Obama presidency: Joe Klein, Time magazine; David Ignatius, the Washington Post columnist; Anne Kornblut, the Washington Post; Norah O'Donnell, MSNBC. (N) 7:30 a.m. KNBC

Meet the Press Healthcare reform; Afghanistan; Sarah Palin's political prospects; the Obama administration: Sen. Richard J. Durbin (D-Ill.); Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Texas); Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.); Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.). The politics of cancer; cancer screenings; insurance; research: Ambassador Nancy Brinker; Dr. Nancy Snyderman ("Dr. Nancy"). Moderator: David Gregory. (N) 8 a.m. KNBC

This Week With George Stephanopoulos Healthcare reform: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.); Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.); Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.); Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.). Panel: George Will; Liz Cheney; Republican strategist Walter Isaacson; Robert Reich, the American Prospect. (N) 8 a.m. KABC

Fox News Sunday With Chris Wallace Healthcare reform in the Senate: Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.); Sen. Christopher S. Bond (R-Mo.); Sen. Arlen Specter (D-Pa.); Dr. Bernadine Healy, former director of the National Institutes of Health. Panel: Brit Hume; Mara Liasson; Bill Kristol; Anne Kornblut, the Washington Post. 8 a.m. KTTV

State of the Union With John King Republican strategist Mary Matalin; Democratic strategist James Carville. Mammogram debate: Republican California Senate candidate Carly Fiorina. 8 a.m. CNN

Face the Nation Healthcare: Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.); Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.); Jennifer Ashton. 8:30 a.m. KCBS

Fareed Zakaria GPS Afghanistan, Pakistan; terrorism; U.S.-India relations: Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Iranian elections; Iranian imprisonment: Maziar Bahari, Newsweek. 10 a.m. CNN

60 Minutes The cost of prolonging one's life; Maziar Bahari; director James Cameron's new film, "Avatar." (N) 7 p.m. KCBS

The soap opera is an exceedingly talky medium. Franco -- who, it seems, will be firmly established next week as a famous yet mysterious graffiti artist, named Franco -- had exactly six lines in his debut episode, spread over the hour: "Spare any change?"; "Quickest way to catch cold, Wylie -- always keep your head covered"; "It's open"; "Good"; "Later"; and "They're expecting me." The first was spoken to some mobsters just before a big shootout on the steps of a soundstage-built brownstone. (Afterward, Franco crushed the windpipe of a dying hood with his foot, then rearranged the body.) The second was to a mannequin, on which he placed a cap. And the rest were to a mysterious woman with an English accent who came over to his studio to give him a straight-razor shave and a long kiss. Mostly he lurked, "disguised" as a homeless person, his face half-hidden or turned away. When the camera finally allowed us a good look at him, he did shine like the superior screen presence he is.

It is hard to tell yet just where on the good-evil scale Franco is meant to fall -- actually, it is hard to tell that about any of these characters, a situation I would imagine that more familiarity would only partly relieve. But artists on TV shows are usually some sort of crazy, and all signs so far point to trouble.

-- Robert Lloyd

This week's TV Movies

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

In “Shareholders Meeting,” corporate life took the main stage. And we all know how Michael loves to be center stage. We’ve seen his clownish antics in the conference room. Even at corporate picnics.  But nothing this big, which only meant a blunder from Michael could be even bigger.

The head honchos over at Dunder Mifflin sent over a limo (the kind that rich kids take to the prom in TV land, as Erin so kindly points out) to pick up Michael for a shareholders meeting.  The extravagant form of transportation — I mean, the company is facing bankruptcy, right? — had Oscar in a tizzy. But Michael, not one to overlook such an ostentatious gesture, invited everyone to join him, which, of course, led to Oscar, Dwight and Andy tagging along. Give the Dunder Mifflin gals a chance to stretch their comedic muscles!

Things at the big meeting didn’t go so well. Michael was booed as part of the leadership panel. But, really, was there ever any doubt, considering how much effort Michael put into the summit?  The booing, though tragic, was hardly the catastrophic doozie I was expecting.  But Michael showed off his managerial know-how by offering to assemble a 45-day, 45-point plan to pull Dunder Mifflin out of its financial mess.  But when it came time to deliver, his savvy skills were limp.

It will be interesting to see how the financial turmoil over at Dunder Mifflin will change the branch. Where do you think things are headed? Will we see any of the characters consider taking another job?

— Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Ellie Kemper as Kellie Erin Hannon, Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson, Brian Baumgartner as Kevin Malone, Kate Flannery as Meredith Palmer, Phyllis Smith as Phyllis Lapin, Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute, B.J. Novak as Ryan Howard, Ed Helms as Andy Bernard. Credit: NBC Universal.

And all the airtime Gretchen and Slade are snagging is enough to make me take the show off my DVR recording list. The two are the poor man’s version of Heidi and Spencer. I don’t care what Slade thinks of the housewives. Or whether he is capable of producing sperm. And Gretchen, I too find it “kind of scary” to think you’re seriously considering having kids and being married to Slade.

But, thanks to new housewife Alexis, there was some freshness to the episode (get to know the newest addition to the OC clan by reading this Q&A).  She’s young. She’s blond. She’s busty. And she confuses "neurotic" for "persnickety." We learn she’s already friendly with Tamra and Gretchen,  but at a lingerie soiree, she finally meets the other housewives. The gals are trying on lingerie, except for Jeana — more on that later — and except for Alexis, who feels that parading out in slinky pieces in front of onlookers is inappropriate — yet, as Tamra pointed out, she has no trouble being flashy in a barely-there bikini at a BBQ gathering. Whatever the case, I was slightly underwhelmed. Where was the showdown between her and Vicki that Bravo had been hyping? Also, how awkward was the exchange between Alexis and Lynne? I was just waiting for Lynne to bring out some of her cuff pieces to ease the silence.

Guess the producers thought the riff between Vicki and Jeana was more than enough for this episode. Our favorite Playboy Playmate and our favorite Wahoo! gal have slowly drifted apart. While they remain cordial, the tension could be cut with a knife. How sad was it to hear Vicki say, “Jeana’s always going to be my neighbor unless one of us moves, but she’s not always going to be my friend”? Ouch.

So like Jeana said: “It started in Coto de Caza, it ended in Coto de Caza.” She’s decided to leave the show to focus on her real estate business and her family.

So, Show Trackers, will Alexis be able to fill Jeana’s void?  Anyone else growing tired of Slade’s screen time?

— Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Gretchen Rossi and Slade Smiley. Credit: Bravo

Photo: Kalyn Hemphill, left, and Irina Shabayeva. Photo credit: Mike Yarish/Lifetime Networks

Oprah Winfrey

But her new basic cable network, OWN, (Oprah Winfrey Network) released a statement this morning announcing that her legacy will live on in her 24-hour Discovery Communications venture, which premieres in Jan. 2011 and is based in Burbank. OWN will debut on what is currently the Discovery Health Channel.

"Oprah has been nourishing people through her television show for nearly 25 years, a legacy that has touched millions the world over,” said Christina Norman, CEO of OWN, in a statement.  “She is the life force behind OWN and will be guiding the effort for this completely new 24-hour television experience premiering in January 2011."

Discovery Communications President and CEO David Zaslav also piped in today with a statement: "There is no bigger brand in media than Oprah Winfrey. She has changed the broadcast landscape and how people consume television. Along the way, she impacted our culture and touched us all. We congratulate her and our friends at Harpo for their many achievements, and their years of creating truly ground-breaking television."

But enough about the future. Today, Winfrey focused on the last 20-plus years in remarks she made at the end of today's shows, according to the Chicago Tribune.

After much prayer, and months of careful thought, I've decided that next season -- Season 25 -- will be the last season of "The Oprah Winfrey Show. And over the next couple of days, you may hear a lot of speculation in the press about why I am making this decision now, and that will mostly be conjecture. So I wanted you to hear this directly from me.

Twenty-four years ago, on Sept. 8, 1986, I went live from Chicago to launch the first national "Oprah Winfrey Show." I was beyond excited and as you all might expect, a little nervous. I knew then what a miraculous opportunity I had been given, but I certainly never could have imagined the yellow brick road of blessings that have led me to this moment with you. [Her voice grows thick with emotion] These years with you, our viewers, have enriched my life beyond all measure, and you all have graciously invited me into your living rooms, into your kitchens and into your lives.

And for some of you longtime Oprah viewers, you have literally grown up with me. We've grown together. You've had your families and you've raised your children and you left a spot for me in your morning or your afternoon, depending on when the Oprah show airs in your town. So I just wanted to say that whether you've been here with me from the beginning or you came on board last week, I want you all to know that my relationship with you is one that I hold very dear, and your trust in me -- the sharing of your precious time with me every day -- has brought me the greatest joy I have ever known.

So here we are, halfway through Season 24 and it still means as much to me to spend an hour with you as it did back in 1986. So why walk away and make next season the last? Here is the real reason. I love this show. This show has been my life. And I love it enough to know when it's time to say goodbye. Twenty-five years feels right in my bones and feels right in my spirit. It's the perfect number. The exact right time....

So I hope that you will take this 18-month ride with me, right through to the final show.

In Los Angeles, you can watch Winfrey tell the audience at 3 p.m. on KABC.

--Maria Elena Fernandez

Photo: Winfrey announces she's leaving her talk show after 25 years Friday. Credit: Harpo Productions

Related:

Oprah to end her show

Of course, a time-lapse episode does pose some problems. Though the patients and the medical dilemmas are certainly a keystone of "Grey's Anatomy," the real reason we all watch is for the regular characters. The time-lapse on Thursday felt like it hurtled through a lot of really important character development without allowing viewers time to stop and catch their breath. 

When a young hottie walks into the ER and interrupts Dr. Sloane, it's no surprise that he gives her the once-over. After all, he's McSteamy; it's what he does. It gets a little bit awkward, though, when she announces a few seconds later that her name is Sloane Riley and she's his daughter -- a claim quickly confirmed with a paternity test.

Covering six weeks of Hurricane Riley in just one episode left me with a bit of whiplash. She appears, she moves in with Sloane and Lexie, she flippantly accuses her father of perving on her, he confesses that he knew about her all along, and she tells him that she's pregnant ... all while I'm still busy saying, "Wait. Sloane has a kid?!?" 

It would have been nice to have a little more time to get to know Riley, because now she's been living with two of our regular characters for over a month but we haven't seen much of her. All we know is that Lexie thinks Riley's vacant and Arizona thinks hell will freeze over before Riley goes to college. I'm sure she's going to play an important role in the future, so I think it would've been a good idea for the writers to put some effort into giving viewers a reason to feel invested in her.

Sloane and Lexie aren't the only ones getting used to a new woman. Last week, the new "Cardio God," Teddy (Kim Raver), confessed to Hunt that she's always loved him. He did the right thing and spurned her advances, but he spent a lot of this episode tied up in knots over her. Hunt's confession Thursday that he also had feelings for her all along didn't come as a surprise.  What did surprise me was that when she opened the door for him, he said bluntly, "I'm in love with Christina."

It's rare on shows like "Grey's Anatomy" that the guy doesn't succumb to the temptation of the Hot Blond From His Past. I was pleasantly surprised when Hunt made it very clear that he's with Christina because he loves her, not because he has an obligation to her.  I'm looking forward to seeing how Teddy handles this from here on out.  She's been carrying a torch for Hunt for a very, very long time.

While I thought that Chandra Wilson and Frankie Faison both gave fantastic performances, I didn't feel very strongly about the story line with Bailey and her father. I think that we've seen so many episodes by now where Bailey battles with her work-versus-family dilemma. She shouldn't have to justify it to anyone anymore -- be it her father or, more important, the viewers. I'd love to see Bailey get some new material because Wilson is an incredible actress and she can do more than just this tired old story.

Finally, the six weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day were not kind to Chief Webber.  In his first scene with Meredith, he blames his previous struggles with alcohol on "situational depression" -- a ... term of endearment for Meredith's mother. It seems to me that he's in a hell of a depressing situation now, as his hospital -- once a No. 1 trauma center -- falls from grace.  It's no big shock that he's leaning on his old crutch, but it's sad to see the chief in such a sloppy state when he was once such a strong figure. I do think it's an interesting choice for the writers, and I'm intrigued to see where they take it.

All in all, Thursday's episode wasn't perfect, but I felt that it brought back some heart to the show. As a side note, I loved the inclusion of Sara Ramirez's version of "Silent Night" -- it's so great to see her singing talents showcased.  I didn't miss Izzie much -- it wasn't until the episode was over that I noticed her absence -- but I would have liked to see how Alex handled his first Christmas as a married man ... without his wife.

What do you think? Did you like the time-lapse episode or do you wish these stories had been broken up a bit more? Did you miss Izzie or the Mercy Westers? What'd you think of Hunt's and Yang's dramatic elevator kiss?  I'm especially interested in your thoughts on Riley and whether you think she'll stick around.

Let's discuss it in the comments below!

-- Carina MacKenzie (follow me on Twitter @cadlymack)

Upper photo: Dr. Mark Sloane (Eric Dane). Credit: ABC

Center photo: Lexie (Chyler Leigh) and Riley (Leven Rambin) talk by the Christmas tree. Credit: ABC

Lower photo: The Seattle Grace gang gets together for dinner. Credit: ABC

First up, the winners of the reward challenge actually score a decent prize. No more beef stew and scones on a pirate ship. This was the kind of "Survivor" reward I was looking for: a scenic airplane ride, a remote island with a beautiful waterfall, and a spread of caloric goodness including grilled hot dogs and apple pie. 

I did find that whole cheesy PrePalm phone promotion odd. Jeff hands the winners a nifty PDA to ... take pictures with? I thought that once they arrived at the island they'd be able to give their loved ones a call or at least watch some recorded message from friends and faimly. Instead, they received only a video hint about the location of the hidden immunity idol. As if Russell needed the clue.

He didn't, of course, and he further solidified this week that his good fortune is due more to his game-playing skills than Lady Luck.

I loved reading all of your comments last week, and I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in rooting for Russell. I'll admit, I was feeling a little guilty about liking him after that whole horrible Hurricane Katrina ruse during the first episode, but it's difficult to deny how great he is at "Survivor."

With the remainder of Galu tribe on his tail, Russell managed to scramble and track down the third hidden immunity idol. Insanity. "They're like magnets to me. They're just drawn to me," Russell said.

Also, how is it possible that Dave wasn't able to beat Russell in a foot race through the jungle? Isn't the guy supposed to be, like, a fitness instructor or something? Too good.

Then, at the challenge, Mick won immunity at long last. He is so dreamy. It's unfair. Despite his good looks, it still made me feel good to watch the perennial underdog walk away with the win. And I loved Shambo blatantly laughing in Laura's face when she lost out on her shot at immunity. Pure, open hatred. The best.

I still think Mick, by the way, has a good shot at taking home the prize. He's a strong physical competitor, he's charming and handsome, and he hasn't made any known enemies.

And finally, Laura was sent home. I literally shouted in elation as she got her just desserts. Though did you see that vote Jeff read where someone had spelled Laura as "Luara"? Really, guys? Really? 

I'll admit, I was pretty nervous as the tribe members cast their second tie-breaker ballots -- I wasn't sure John would flip. Actually, the entire afternoon leading up to the vote had me on edge. Jaison and Mick did a horrible job of letting Monica know that they had the numbers on their side.

"She encouraged us to vote the way we did last week," Mick told Monica, so obviously referring to Shambo. As if Laura would be on Foa Foa's side.

But luckily, John did vote for Laura, and in doing so he proved he's a force to be reckoned with. I completely agreed with him when he said he was continually struck by the poor analytical skills of his Galu tribe mates. They're so quick to jump at a plan before thinking about it.

How about Dave impulsively deciding to vote for Natalie?

"I'll burn her right now. I do not care, bro," he said with wild eyes. That spontaneity can be the death of a "Survivor" player. While Dave is busy agreeing with the often-harebrained plots of his tribe mates, Russell has been busy plotting his own schemes.

Was this week's episode as fulfilling for you as it was for me? Do you think it was a smart move for John to vote with Foa Foa? And is Russell now a lock for the finals? Let's discuss in the comments.

--Amy Kaufman (follow me on Twitter @AmyKinLA)

Photos: Russell Hantz, top, and John Fincher.

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The Observers job is watching major events. From the Boston Massacre and the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand to Wednesday afternoon at the Grove. It only makes sense that he be around for my historic step into modern home entertainment. (Seriously, it looks awesome. Now I’m curious to go back and watch episodes like “Earthling” to see the effects in HD.)

Tonight’s episode wasn’t about our Observer. Instead it centered on another Observer, named August. That’s the start of what we learn about the Observers: There’s more than one. We also learn they have guns that fire some sort of force pulse; they can avoid a bullet with a wave of their hands; and they can start cars with their thumbs. Most “Fringe” fans (or Fringatics, as I just made up) won’t be surprised that an Observer can do all that — but would they be surprised to know an Observer can love?

The other Observers send Donald after the woman August falls in love with because he kidnaps her away from an airplane crash where she was supposed to die. In the end, he realizes that the only way he could keep her alive was to sacrifice himself, making her important. If you look at it from another way, it could be seen as a rival for “Twilight”: Girl with a troubled past wants to move on and spend a year in Italy, studying sculpture and learning about life. Then a mysterious man saves her life. He’s not supposed to be able to love, yet he loves her.

Only in “Fringe” the guy is bald and wears an out-of-date gray suit. In “Twilight,” he’s Robert Pattinson. Obviously why the tweeting tweens are lined up for the latter. Still, “she crossed my mind and never left” is a pretty cool, romantic line.

A good story peppered with a lot of great details. Brandon, the Massive Dynamic engineer, returned to give his findings on the Observer and a primer on nonlinear time. Did anyone notice his office had a giant canister marked Oxygen and another marked Nitrogen? Is he making laughing gas or doing midnight street racing? Agent Broyles was still nursing his bullet wound from “Of Human Action.” Even Olivia’s niece played a role.

”August” showed a greater connection to the larger “Fringe” universe. It should. It was written by show runners J.H. Wyman and Jeff Pinker. I really enjoyed “August,” but I’m still nagged by something I brought up in my Five things that could help “Fringe.” The show veered closely again to the subject of Peter’s alternate-universe pass. At least this week, we got some interesting details. Our Observer said when he interfered and saved Walter and Peter from their car crash, they were only correcting their own mistake. My guess is that the Observers thought Peter was already dead and went to repair the irregularity. Only it was the alternate Peter and that’s how Walter broke the rules. That’s my theory. If you have a different one, let me know.

Follow-up question: Um, so “August” made the girl he loved important by having her become the cause of an Observer (him) dying. I can see how that makes her important, but I’m not quite sure why becoming important keeps her from having to die. Important people die all the time. Hopefully we’ll get a little more closure on this in the future.

Astrid action: Astrid got to show off her linguistic skills tonight. I don’t mean fancy talking. Literal linguistic skills. She is an expert linguist, but even she couldn’t crack the Observer’s notes. No characters repeated in the entire book. Cool.

Also, who thought Walter was going to try to drug Astrid with the milkshake? That’s how he escaped last time to chat with an Observer. It’s good to see that Walter respects her enough to just trick her into going to buy cherries instead of sticking a syringe in her neck.

Spot the Observer: Of course the Observer was all over this week’s episode. Four, in fact. I’m not sure if there were any more hidden. I’ll leave it up to the Internet to let me know if any more were sneaking around the episode. The one appearance of our Observer that sticks out was him watching Olivia and Ella on the roller coaster. I like how the fellow Observer noted that things are going to get bad for her. I hope so. There are a whole lot more episodes to fill.

— Andrew Hanson

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Photo: The Observer (guest star Michael Cerveris). Credit: Fox Television.

Family values were front and center on this week's episode of "30 Rock," though probably not in a way that would please Newt Gingrich. This week, Jack and Tracy were brought together by their mutual desire for vasectomies. Warms your heart, doesn’t it?  Though their goal was similar, their motivations were different. Jack was freaked out by Don Geiss’ family struggles and decided he didn’t want to risk the same heartache. Plus he’s got everything he wants -- including a walk-in humidor -- so why would he possibly want kids? 

Meanwhile, Tracy was frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t share a filthy strip-club-related story with Jack, because Tracy Jr., at the TGS studio as part of Take Your Black Kid to Work Day, was in earshot. “ 'The Cosby Show' was a lie!” he yells in protest. Tracy consults with Dr. Spaceman and almost goes through with the procedure, but under anesthesia he has a hallucination. He’s Bll Cosby and Tracy Jr. is Theo, but their beautiful Brooklyn brownstone is an utter pigsty. Why? There’s no Rudy or Vanessa around. No, it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but seeing Tracy Morgan in a Coogi sweater was all that mattered to this viewer. That, and hearing him say, “I need a baby girl. Don’t snip my vas deferens!"  It also reminded me a little bit of this episode, which will remain burned in my brain forever.

Has NBC produced a page-a-day calendar of Jack Donaghy quotes yet? Because if there isn’t one, there should be.  (Jeff Zucker, you can thank me later.) Case in point: Elsewhere in this episode, Liz was in a quandary about her apartment. With her building being converted to condos, she has to either buy her place or face huge rent increases. Jack, as he always does, provided some sage advice: “With Manhattan real estate, there are no rules. It’s like check-in at an Italian airport.” Too true, Jack, too true.

Liz takes the advice to heart, employing increasingly drastic measures to try to score the apartment of her dreams -- that of her upstairs neighbor, gay hipster cop Brian. First she decides to move in with him, then plots to drive him out of the apartment by acting crazy. The only problem? Brian is unbelievably tolerant.  He even has a “This is what a feminist looks like" T-shirt, and what’s more tolerant than that? So Liz’s antics leave him totally unfazed; in fact, he seems to thrive on them. As Jenna says, “Drama is like gay man Gatorade, it replenishes their electrolytes.” I am not a gay man (that I know of), but I for one did enjoy her smeared-mascara look. Liz eventually resorts to the lowest trick of all in order to run her roommate outta town. Following Frank’s lead, she pees in a vase (more on this later). She might not have her dignity, but Liz will have her duplex after all.

While Liz was plotting real estate, Kenneth had his own mission to accomplish. Since it was Green Week and all, he was given the responsibility of lowering the TGS carbon footprint by 5%. Not surprisingly, almost no one is cooperative. Liz doesn’t want to give up her mini-fridge, and Jenna won’t give up her erotic massager. Turns out the greenest of the TGS gang is Frank, who doesn’t wash his clothes, eats out of the garbage and urinates in jars. Who knew living in squalor could have such positive side effects?

This week, between the Cosby fantasy sequence, the appearance of the beloved Dr. Spaceman, all those jars of sun tea and — oh, yeah — former Vice President Al Gore, was even more of a comedy drag race than usual. It should silence the many critics saying this season isn’t delivering the goods … at least until next week, anyway. What did you think?  And did anyone notice who’s in the new framed picture in Jack’s office? That couldn’t have been a coincidence.

Best Joke:  I liked Jenna’s line about taking a low-volume shower with Ed Begley Jr. (ew) but the honors this week go to Tracy. “Having a family can be the worst. For example, I have this strip club story from this weekend I need to tell you, Jackie D. It is disgusting. But I can’t, because I got this little d-bag here.” He says, while pointing to Tracy Jr.

Nerdiest Reference:  Does the New York Post headline “Memoirs of a Geiss-Ha!” count? If not, then it was definitely Twofer’s use of a Yale sweatshirt as a “designated fart dampener.”

Most Meta Moment: Liz, talking about NBC’s “Green Week,” says “Are they actually going to do something this week or are they just going to put that stupid green peacock in the corner?”

Meanest Thing Said to Liz: This week, it wasn't Jack, but new roomie Brian, who says, "I can't afford this place. Judging by your shoes and teeth, you can't either."

Quintessential Kenneth: “Global warming. That’s just a buncha scientist talk. The same people that say my great-grandfather was a monkey. If he was a monkey, then why was he killed by a monkey?”

Proof that Jenna Can Be Funny (Sometimes): When Kenneth barges into her dressing room, she blurted out “I’m doing my Kegels. What is it?” Though it might be that only women, especially those of us who’ve read and rolled our eyes at too many issues of Cosmo, find this funny. She also had the brilliant “Drama is like gay man Gatorade, it replenishes their electrolytes.” I might have to revise my Jenna stance.

Jack’s Republican Talking Points: “I love the Earth. I have these rare blossoms flown in every morning from Sri Lanka on a private jet. It doesn’t get any greener than that.”

-- Meredith Blake

Related:

'30 Rock': When Jack met Padma

Will Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin be winning Oscar hosts?

From 'General Hospital' to primetime: James Franco to guest star on '30 Rock'

Cheyenne Jackson reaches a peak performance

Photo: Tracy Jr./Theo (Bobb'e J. Thompson) and Tracy Jordan/Cliff Huxtable (Tracy Morgan) fail to take out the trash on this week's "30 Rock."

Credit: Ali Goldstein/NBC

This week's TV Movies

SERIES

Smallville: Tess (Cassidy Freeman) kidnaps Lois (Erica Durance), determined to find out where she went when she disappeared for weeks, while Clark (Tom Welling) makes a significant decision about Zod (Callum Blue) after learning of Lois' memory of the future (8 p.m. KTLA).

DietTribe: The women compete in a triathlon and their final weights and makeovers are revealed (8 p.m. Lifetime).

Bill Moyers Journal: As President Obama prepares to respond to calls for more troops in Afghanistan, Bill Moyers revisits President Lyndon Johnson's deliberations as he stepped up America's role in Vietnam. (9 p.m. KCET).

Numb3rs: Thieves strike a diamond exchange and take hostages, and Don (Rob Morrow) and his team believe the culprits are copying a convicted bus hijacker's (Fisher Stevens, reprising his guest role) strategy. David Krumholtz, Judd Hirsch and Alimi Ballard also star (10 p.m. CBS).

20/20: Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (10 p.m. ABC).

Happily Ever Faster: A pregnant bride worries her wedding dress might not fit over her baby bump and chapel planner Melody tries to enlist actor William Shatner as best man for a Trekkie wedding in the premiere of this new matrimonial series (10 p.m. TLC). A second new episode follows at 10:30.

White Collar: After an expensive portrait is stolen from a young woman, Neal tries to uncover the secret behind its origin while working with Peter to set up a sting in hopes of catching the culprit (10 p.m. USA).

Now on PBS: The news magazine series looks at support provided for family members who care for returning soldiers with traumatic brain injuries (10:30 p.m. KCET).

MOVIES

Hairspray: It started as a John Waters-directed movie, then became a hit stage musical. Now it comes full circle by taking movie form again with John Travolta cast as the mother of an aspiring 1960s dance-show participant (Nikki Blonsky). Michelle Pfeiffer and Brittany Snow also star in this 2007 musical (6 p.m. HBO).

Journey to the Center of the Earth: A science professor (Brendan Fraser) and his nephew (Josh Hutcherson) travel beneath the Earth's surface and encounter bad-tempered dinosaurs in the 2008 adventure (6:50 p.m. Cinemax).

Dr. Dolittle 2: In this 2001 sequel, Eddie Murphy returns as the fellow who can talk to the animals, most of which talk back. Kevin Pollak, Andy Dick and Isaac Hayes lend their voices (8:30 p.m. Cinemax).

SPORTS

NASCAR racing: Sprint Cup: Ford 400 Qualifying (Noon ESPN2).

College basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Consolation Game (2 p.m. ESPN2). Coaches vs. Cancer Final (4:30 p.m. ESPN2). Cal State Bakersfield at UCLA (7:30 p.m. FSN).

Pro basketball: The Orlando Magic visit the Boston Celtics (5 p.m. ESPN). The Denver Nuggets visit the Clippers (7:30 p.m. ESPN and FS Prime).

College football: Boise State at Utah State (Live) (6:30 p.m. ESPN2).

English Premier League Soccer: Liverpool vs. Manchester City (4:30 a.m. ESPN2).

Photo: Will Hart / NBC

Give 'Housewives' fans a quick bio.

I’m a stay-at-home mom of three. Very happily married. We’re a Christian family who just tries to live closer to God and do things the right way … but we’re people, and we make mistakes. And I like to work out a lot.

What’s it like to be the newest housewife?

It’s been such an amazing experience. There’s no other word to describe it because the opportunities that have come about and just the chance to be with these four girls that I felt like I knew before because we watched the show so much. It’s just been really a dream. I felt like I already knew Tamra and Gretchen and Vicki and Lynne because I watched it last season. I watched the reruns … and I watched it again.  So it felt like we were old friends.

It seems like everyone seems to know everyone in these circles. Had you seen the Housewives out at any events in Orange County?

Gretchen and I have a mutual friend. I’d actually only met her twice before joining the show. Jeana and my husband had done a couple of business deals together; so I knew her from that and I saw her out as well.

Were you one of the dozens of Housewives-in-training who flocked to South Coast Plaza to audition?

I wasn’t. We met Jeana for dinner one night, and she was like "How are you guys? I hope you don’t mind. I turned in your name to producers. They’re casting now for this season. You’re probably going to get a call tomorrow." And sure enough, I got a call the next morning.

You mentioned you were a viewer of the series. What did you like about it, and why did you decide to become part of it?

I mean  … it’s comical. It’s lighthearted and fun but yet still keeps that dramatic feel. It’s sort of like renting a movie. You sort of know where the movie is going to go. It’s a movie. With this, it was just always fun to watch because you never know what road their life was going to take or what’s going to happen next. So we laughed, we felt bad for the … I just felt like I knew them. My husband and I are both very much into reality shows. It was different to no longer be the viewer.

As a viewer, who was your favorite Housewife?

I don’t really know if I had a favorite at the time. I mean, I like Gretchen because we had seen each other a couple of times, and she was fun. But I don’t think I necessarily had a favorite. I was just a fan of the show in general.

So you‘re not quite part of the gated community of Coto de Caza. But how long have you lived in Orange County?

I’ve lived here for about five or six years.

What’s it been like interacting with the ladies?

It’s really crazy. But they definitely are like what you see on TV pretty much. We filmed from June through September.  It’s reality. It’s true. I think that … what makes reality so interesting is that it takes that certain characteristic someone has in their life and it plays on that for the whole season and so you really do see … I mean, what you see is what you get. When you’re out hanging out with them — we take trips together, we go to dinner together — It’s the same kind of person you see that’s represented in the show.

Touching on that … in previews for tonight’s episode we see that you and Vicki don’t really click. What’s the dynamic there?

You know what’s really strange about Vicki and my relationship — or what I can say on my behalf — is that I like her. I really like her. I think she’s a passionate, hard-working admirable person because she has a drive to succeed, and it’s just unfortunate that we butted heads.  But I think we were both ladies. We said our peace, and we get along when we all get together.  We may not call each other and say, "Hey, how are you?"— we don’t have that kind of a friendship. But we get along. And we might butt heads again … but that’s just the way the world works.

In last week’s episode, we see you having dinner with Tamra and Simon —

Jim bought a car from Simon, and so we kind of knew each other through that and we met for dinner. We clicked. Tamra has a 3-year-old, and she has other children too. Tamra’s just such a fun, outgoing … just funny person.

But what about the bickering between Tamra and Simon? Didn’t it make you feel a little uncomfortable?

Well, you only saw about one minute of a two-hour dinner. We didn’t stop laughing that entire dinner. My stomach — we went home and my stomach hurt because we were just taking and laughing so hard that entire dinner.  At that one point, it did get a little bit serious. I think it was just them being sarcastic and joking with each other. But you know, when you joke, there’s always a bit of truth in it. The cameras played it up, and that’s just the way it was for that split second. But none of us went home thinking, "Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that happened with Simon and Tamra." Or "Alexis is such a crazy woman for buttering her husband’s bread." It wasn’t like that.

Do you still interact with the ladies now that you’re no longer shooting?

Yes. Gretchen and Tamra, I have to honestly say, are dear friends of mine.  We do call each other even when we’re not filming — we don’t all three get together, of course.

So what sets you apart from the other Housewives?

I think my traditional marriage. My Christian values. I talk about God almost every day of my life. I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I don’t mention him or bring him up in a conversation or say things about Jesus. And then, just the fact that I stay at home and spend a lot of time with my kids, which Tamra does too.

And what do you hope to get out of the show?

I just want to tell my story. I just want people to see that you can be a mom that stays at home, who cooks meals and goes to the grocery store and runs her kids to class yet you can still take care of yourself and put your God and your marriage first, because if either of those two start to fail then your kids are gonna be from a broken home.

Did you have any reservations about exposing your life for all to see?

There really wasn’t. I don’t feel like I have anything to hide. I didn’t have any reservations. If people find it funny or find that they relate to me, then that’s awesome.

Word association time. Describe your fellow Housewives in one word.

Vicki:

Workaholic

Tamra:

Witty

Gretchen:

Bubbly

Lynne:

Easygoing

Jeana: 

(laughs) Oh, my gosh. What is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Jeana? Nice, I guess. I don’t know.

Do you still keep in contact with Jeana?

I don’t know what happened with our friendship, but we don’t talk that much.

-- Yvonne Villarreal

Photo: Alexis Bellino. Credit: Bravo.

I had to admit that despite this disappointment, it was a strong show overall, probably because Tim Gunn freaked out and set everyone straight before the show (just kidding: what Lifetime billed as his OMG BIG MELTDOWN was more like a case of flustered consternation. He adjusted his glasses.)

Althea Harper led off the show with her sci-fi inspired collection. I agreed with the judges' comments: I couldn't  see a lot of futurism in her pieces, which worked best when she played with proportions and color and texture--even though I'd never wear them, the cropped/harem pants she made looked good, and, like Nina Garcia, I really liked the green dress with the black leather jacket. I also agreed with Heidi Klum that the silvery metallic top was a winner. I did think one of Althea's models received an unfortunate makeup job that made her look a bit like a drag queen, however. But while the judges loved the everydayness of Althea's separates, I wanted a bit more pop from her line, especially in terms of color. I also thought the big grey sweater that kicked off the show was just past the line of dramatic and entered costumetown.

Poor Carrol Hannah Whitfield still looked sick when she introduced her collection but I thought she put a great line down the runway. I especially loved the leadoff beige and black halter dress (and so did the judges), the purple pieces in the collection, the detailing on the black dress, the 13th-look blue gown, and the flouncy party dress made of a pretty beige/brown iridescent material. The judges didn't see enough of a "story" throughout the pieces but I couldn't see how there was more of a story in Althea's line than Carol Hannah's. There were a lot of pieces that she showed that I would like to see again, either in photos or in my closet.

In terms of a "story," Irina Shabayeva certainly stuck to her New York look: there were a lot of dramatic, tough black pieces in her collection, which wasn't perhaps didn't provide as much eye candy as Carol Hannah's but represented a lot of beautiful structure and looks that everyday women could pull off. I thought at times it veered a little bit towards a dominatrix look when the black leather was invoked a few extra times, but I have to say, as a Midwestern girl I appreciate a stylish and comfortable t-shirt as well as a warm yet fashionable sweater. Michael Kors pooh-poohed that the "warrior woman" was not a "new character on the scene" but even though I thought Irina was rather mean-a this season, I have to admit that I like the warrior woman.

My complaint about the episode was that I didn't think the judges' comments matched their actions. I wanted Carol Hannah to win, and the judges had nothing bad to say about her collection except that the story wasn't cohesive enough--I didn't understand then why she got eliminated first. I especially thought Suzy Menkes gave Carol Hannah a special blessing when the be-banged one said, with a special smile, "I noticed it," referring to Carol Hannah's inverted pyramid dress  The judges seemed to have a bigger problem with Irina's lack of color in her collection (although how would Michael Kors know, since he wore sunglasses during the show?) but they deemed her the winner.

I was glad for Irina (and for my old pal Tim Gunn, since his student won), even though my first pick didn't win.

I know some people who have described this as the worst season ever of "Project Runway." Do you agree and if so, what was the issue? I personally didn't feel any problem with the show being on Lifetime, although perhaps the show being set in L.A. did throw something off. Good news though, fans: "Runway" will be back in January, with the season of the sashay!

(PS: tomorrow I have ten minutes to chat with Irina. If you have any suggestions for questions for me to ask her, leave them in the comments!)

--Claire Zulkey

Irina Shabayeva and model Irina Hemphill . Photo credit Mike Yarish/Lifetime Networks 2009

Today Taylor Lautner; Kellan Lutz and Nikki Reed. (N) 7 a.m. KNBC

KTLA Morning News (N) 7 a.m. KTLA

Good Morning America (N) 7 a.m. KABC

Good Day L.A. (N) 7 a.m. KTTV

Live With Regis and Kelly Penélope Cruz ("Nine"); Taylor Lautner ("The Twilight Saga: New Moon"); Kelly's and Mark Consuelos' recent return to "All My Children." (N) 9 a.m. KABC

The View Author Joseph Califano ("How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid"); Emily Osment performs. (N) 10 a.m. KABC

The Doctors Health warning signs: nipple discharge; a skin-saving mastectomy; bruising. (N) 11 a.m. KCAL

The Dr. Oz Show An interview with the recipient of the first male face transplant. 11 a.m. KTTV

Martha Stewart (N) 2 p.m. KNBC

The Bonnie Hunt Show Larry the Cable Guy; Nigel Lythgoe ("So You Think You Can Dance"); author Paul McKenna discusses sleep. (N) 3 p.m. KNBC

The Tyra Show Pregnant teens. 3 p.m. KTLA

Oprah Winfrey Ray Romano ("Men of a Certain Age") and Gabourey Sidibe ("Precious"). (N) 3 p.m. KABC

Dr. Phil Rude people; author Amy Alkon ("I See Rude People"). (N) 4 p.m. KCBS

The Ellen DeGeneres Show Robert Pattinson ("The Twilight Saga: New Moon"). (N) 4 p.m. KNBC

The Tyra Show Meghan McCain. (N) 4 p.m. KTLA

The Dr. Oz Show Bed bug infestations; a woman has excess skin removed. (N) 5 p.m. KTTV

Dr. Phil A woman learns that her 19-year-old daughter has gone from honor roll student to adult film star. 7 p.m. KCAL

Tavis Smiley Rapper 50 Cent. (N) 7 and 11 p.m. KCET

Washington Week Senate debates healthcare reform: Karen Tumulty, Time magazine; President Barack Obama's Asia trip: David Sanger, the New York Times. Afghanistan: Doyle McManus, Los Angeles Times. Prospects of former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-Alaska): John Dickerson, Slate Magazine. Moderator: Gwen Ifill. (N) 8 p.m. KCET

The Jay Leno Show Kellan Lutz; Ed Begley Jr. (N) 10 p.m. KNBC

Charlie Rose Thomas L. Friedman, the New York Times. (N) 11:30 p.m. KCET

Late Show With David Letterman Viggo Mortensen; Paula Poundstone; Lyle Lovett performs. (N) 11:35 p.m. KCBS

The Tonight Show Eva Mendes; Bon Jovi performs. (N) 11:35 p.m. KNBC

Jimmy Kimmel Live Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner; Death Cab for Cutie performs. (N) 12:06 a.m. KABC

The Late Late Neil Patrick Harris; David Gray performs. (N) 12:37 a.m. KCBS

Late Night Gordon-Levitt; Elvis Costello performs. (N) 12:37 a.m. KNBC

Last Call Morena Baccarin; Lisa Hannigan performs. (N) 1:36 a.m. KNBC

The phone number, it turns out, is an actual number (with a Syracuse, N.Y., area code) which quickly gives way a voicemail message issued by Segel himself, entreating callers to send an e-mail to an address that sounds a lot like healthtronics@gmail.com. 

Those familiar with the "How I Met Your Mother" star are aware of Segel's considerable piano and songwriting skills. (Some of his other tunes include the catchy "You Just Got Slapped" song from the CBS sitcom's Slapsgiving Day episode, as well as "Dracula's Lament" from the 2008 film "Forgetting Sarah Marshall.") And while the 1-315-329-6673 song seems to be a new number in Segel's repertoire, this was not the first time the actor has performed it: A quick Internet search revealed it was sung earlier this month at a concert with Maroon 5 as well (and with lyrics slightly altered to reflect the audience).

Did anyone else catch the Wiltern performance? What's more, did anyone get a date with the actor? While Segel croons that this hook-up opportunity is "a one-time offer," Swell Season is performing at the Wiltern again tonight, which may give fans another chance to get lucky.

—Allyssa Lee

Marty Beckerman of The Daily Beast wrote an interesting piece about David Duchovny earlier this week, in which the actor spoke of his teaching and literary ambitions of the past. In short, he wanted to be a teacher and use his summers off to work on his own poetry and prose. This idea led him to Princeton, where he graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English literature, and then later to Yale, where he received his master’s but dropped out before earning his Ph.D. because his acting career had by then taken hold.

The Beast interview reminded me of a similar conversation I shared with Duchovny this past summer, when I visited the “Californication” set to write about Madeleine Martin, who plays his daughter on the show. Duchovny, along with series creator Tom Kapinos, was kind enough to talk to me between takes about not just Martin but a few other topics, including his literary life. And so after watching him do several takes of pulling up to a Venice house in the filthy Porsche that has become Hank Moody’s signature vehicle on the show, the actor arrived for a chat, though he had to cut away a few more times for a few takes inside the Venice home.

Duchovny stood in his typical Hank Moody uniform – black shirt, dark jeans, dark sunglasses shielding his eyes. He came off as warm and witty, though I got the sense that he wasn't one to give a reporter too much, no matter how personal the question was. Even before I talked to him, one of his handlers asked that the questions not get "too personal" in the first place, and it doesn't take a genius to know what that means. To that end, I actually admire the consistency with which Duchovny has not discussed (at least in any great detail) the personal issues that were once frequent tabloid fodder; for one, it's old news, and second, it really is none of our business, we just want it to be our business. But even a question about the kind of prose he's written, as you'll see, yielded little more than an "I dabble." Duchovny just won't give up too much, though there is actually something refreshing about this, despite the fact that my occupation is to actually pry into people's lives.

Here, now, is an edited version of the interview with Duchovny and show runner Kapinos, which centered primarily on literature's effect on both Duchovny's life as well as this show.

This season is built around Hank becoming a writing professor and from what I understand, you studied literature in school. Did that inform your character this year?

David Duchovny: I guess I taught in a similar capacity to him. I was a teaching assistant when I was in graduate school, so I kind of understand what that is but I don’t know if that informs it so much. I guess it’s just that I don’t feel too worried that I can’t pull off a lecturer, you know?

When you studied writing in the past, you focused on poetry, correct?

DD: Yeah, more or less.

Prose as well?

DD: Yeah, I dabbled.

Still dabble at all?

DD: [smiles] Yeah, I dabble.

What do you write?

DD: I scribble. Well, I’ve written a couple of screenplays that may or may not get done, and a television show here and there, things like that – I’m in this business now, so I tend to focus on writing that way.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you once wanted to be a teacher?

DD: A teacher, and I thought I would write. I thought it was a good job with good vacation time to where I could take four months a year and be able to do what I wanted to do, which was write.

So how did you transition from that goal to acting?

DD: Just life. I think I was interested in writing plays and I thought I should learn something about acting if I was going to do that, you know? And it’s funny -- we hired a guy that I did my first play with at Yale, we hired him this year to be the mediator in a scene and he brought a Playbill from this thing that I did [while there]. I mean I had two lines.

Who was David Duchovny as a college student? Can you paint us a picture?

DD: Hmm. Aimless, yet focused. [smirks]

What was better – Princeton or Yale?

DD: God, I can’t say that because I might have to go back to either of them.

Were you a huge fan of literature growing up, then? What made you want to be a writer?

DD: Well, my father was a part-time writer, he wrote in his off time, so it was always valued. His father worked in the newspaper business for the Daily Forward – a Yiddish paper in New York, so I guess it was always kind of around and that seemed what I would do. So [studying to teach] was the way I was trying to figure it out, as I said, to how to [write] and make a living at the same time.

So with “Californication,” and also your character in “The TV Set,” is there a certain draw to playing a writer?

DD: No, because it’s really horrible to play writers because it’s usually really boring. It’s not dramatic. You can’t dramatize it. It’s not like a Jackson Pollock drip painting, where you can have the montage – I mean we do it sometimes, at the typewriter – but it’s, you know, it’s a well that’s been exhausted over time so writing, it doesn’t really come into it. It’s more of what the character is, not what he does but how he does it.

Regarding the specific writing that appears in this show sometimes, the voice we hear does really seem to fit the character. How much do you guys work on getting that voice down?

DD: All I ever said was, “If this guy is supposed to be a good writer, you better write some good ... when we hear it. It can’t just be crap.

Tom Kapinos: And I think that’s why we hear as little of it as we do [Duchovny laughs], because that stuff is hard. It’s hard to write things about someone being a genius, because you can never actually dramatize what it is they do well.

DD: Especially in two sentences.

TK: Yeah, so I feel like we’ve heard snippets, but it’s not about showing he’s a great writer; it’s usually there to serve the scene. If he wrote that letter to Karen in the flashback episode last year, well that was a heartfelt letter but I think it also says that he’s a good writer. But yeah, that stuff is tough. And I do remember David saying, “Yeah, it better be good.”

“God Hates Us All,” the book that, according to the show, really gave Hank Moody his literary fame, is now actually available for purchase. What was your involvement with this book?

[DD laughs]

TK: Nothing, other than I was told about it. I was offered the chance to write it but it didn’t seem like fun [laughs].

DD: So it was just ghostwritten, right?

TK: Yeah. I think Simon & Schuster [published] it.

DD: You could have had a book published by Simon & Schuster.

TK: Yeah, well …

David, did you have a favorite writer growing up? Or now?

DD: No, I’ll read anybody. I just started reading “Bleak House” yesterday – that sounds pretentious, it’s only 500,000 pages, but I love Dickens. I don’t know -- what did I read this year that I was into? Some David Foster Wallace because he killed himself – I didn’t know that, that he’d killed himself a while ago and I hadn’t heard [about it immediately] and I’d always liked him. And so I reread him this year. That’s the thing, if you like someone, you can always reread them.

As for poetry, was there a certain form that you wrote or liked?

DD: I like the villanelle. I’m partial to the sestina. [Duchovny grins -- it’s difficult to tell if he’s joking, or whether he just realizes the pretentious nature of the conversation]

And you do still write?

DD: Yeah, I do. I don’t know what type of poetry, though. It’s always like you write a poem when you can’t really say what you’re trying to say.

Can you say anything about where you guys see this “Californication” story line going, ultimately?

DD: We kind of have an ending in mind, which we came to separately, but we kind of had the same idea. I called him up and I said, “I see it ending this way,” and he said, “Yeah, I’ve always seen it ending that way too.”

TK: And it’s the kind of ending you don’t necessarily share with people, but yeah, we were very much in sync on that.

DD: Let’s just say sex change, OK? That’s all we’re going to say. It’s about time for Hank to understand how the other half lives.

Fair enough. Thanks, guys, for taking the time.

DD: Pleasure doing business with you.

-- Josh Gajewski

Photo credit: Showtime

One "Lost" mystery down: 1 million to go.

The final season of ABC's "Lost" -- boo hoo, did we really say final? -- will premiere Tuesday, Feb. 2, with a two-hour event at 9 p.m., ABC announced today. (Yes, that's a new night for the island mystery).

That means we are 75 days away from learning if the hydrogen bomb Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell) hit with a rock before she presumably died in the fifth season finale erases the past and changes the future, like Jack (Matthew Fox) wanted?

We don't know how we feel about this. If the past is erased, does that mean all of the hours we've logged with the castaways didn't happen either? What have we been doing all these years?

Answers, soon, Losties. Answers, in our destiny, soon. In the meantime, watch the promotional video and see if you can help getting a little choked up.

--Maria Elena Fernandez

Related:

John Locke Lives Again

Alpert said what?